Friday, September 25, 2009
):
com's finally back to normal
but im feeling worse than normal
u can nvr get th best of both worlds i guess
found out sth today._.
make me feel numb all over again
thot i had gotten rid of all that numbness alr
but,
i guess not.
hais.
i'll get over it
soon.
i hope :/
ps to those that i havent link/relink
kinda stressed/pissed/busy/emo these few days
x:
sorry arhs
i think i wun be smsing for th next few days liaos
bo mood
plus i feel lyk studying.
its time for me to do so yea?
):
was up doing th applied science presentation
damn fuckshyt siax
u ppl dun wanna do then i must do isit?
if u all got put effort in it i dun mind doing siax
but damn wtf.
u nvr do then blame me nvr do
wtf la
true, i nvr do
but at least i accept th fact that i was lazy n that i forgot
but did u ppl?
no rite?
_l_
instead,
u blame it on me.
fuck u, seriously.
sth happened on wednesday before i went for tuition
i was lyk thinking:
i shall go petrol qoisk first,
buy greentea or sth
then tuition can drink
then i was queuing[how th hell do u spell it?] up
then ltr got this damn _l_ish lady
she was lyk all
''excuse me''
then cut into my queue
then i was lyk ''excuse me?''
n giv her that -wtf, ur cutting me siax- look
n u noe wat she did?
juz went up to th counter n paid
i glare at th guy behind th counter lyk shyt
i mean,
wtf
she cut my freakin queue siax
n u juz let her pay?
cant u lyk tell her or sth?
since i tried telling her n she ignored me.
_l_
summore she's lyk wad, married n with kids?
her kids were freakin running ard my legs la
damn pissed
i hate kids.
its lyk omg, so gross!
she damn rude can?
ppl say teenagers very rude.
look at her mann
diu u all adults de lian
kahpui shyt.
summore if she ask me nicely i usually wun mind derh lorhs
th point is that i was in a rush n she nvr fuckin ask
n made me late for my tuition summore
_l_
dun ask me why th hell did i rant abt that.
i was pissed
but was kinda okay liaos
but i guess im juz transferring all my feelings into that incident
since i cant n wun tok abt th other things.
but this does not mean that wat she did was not true.
its perfectly true n not exaggerated.
one more week to eoys
jyjys bel
one more week - chiong revision
eoys - 2weeks [chiong, chiong, chiong]
by 15 of oct,
i'll be free.(:
altho it seems lyk damn fuckin long away,
its actually very fast cuz it lyk next week's gonna fly by again
n then tada eoys
n eoys surely damn fast past
cuz its lyk, go sch -exaaaaaaaam-
come home -chiooooooooooong- then -slp-
then go sch again
9exam days niax
i cant wait mann
by then i'll be on9 every single day
altho thats lyk no diff
cuz im on9 every single day too,
well, omost.
aniwaes
i'll be on maple:D
<3bl`guild
i nidda complete th maths paper2
hais
maybe i shud juz go slp.
no wait,
i cant slp.
everytime i close my eyes,
thots will rush thru my head
lyk thousands of mrts
causing my eyes to sting
probably juz a few million more teardrops
or maybe a waterfall of it
i juz wish it was made of greentea<3
at least, it'll put a curve on my lips,
th right way up.
i juz realised, that i live in a family whr i can nvr tok to.
everyone's lyk:
ive got problems too, i dun complain/share it with u.
so why shud u?
that kind of attitude goes ard.
suckish feeling mann
i mean,
i tried n communicate with them,
ask them wat's wrong, wat happened
n all i get is 'nth'
when it is clearly not nth.
i mean, who gets upset over nth?
but when i try to tok to them,
abt my stuff
they juz find some random fault with me
lyk how i dun clear my books off th table
n starts scolding me instead.
altho yea,
its my fault.
but hello?
im tokin abt wats bothering me here?
i swear, on th surface they care,
maybe on th inside too
but i bet,
my emotional health?
not so much.
so many troubles/worries/confusions/frustrations/irritations/hurt/joy/inquisitions
none of them would listen.
i'd try to tell my fwens
or simply anyone who would bother to hear my rant abt sumthing, anything.
but they dun seem to understand.
or th ones that used to understand me no longer gets me
or even try to get me.
on th outside,
i look fine.
on th inside?
i aint that sure either.
sumtimes,
i seriously dun noe wat to feel.
it seems lyk as if i hav no feelings
if i want some?
i'd hav to make sth up
lyk *adacadabra*
n then try n think of how it would feel lyk n try to portray it.
:l
maybe i shud go n be an actor or sth
at least,
i'd earn moolah that way.
since all i've eva done is pretend.
dun get me wrong,
th joy that ppl ard me has given me,
thh expression on my face,
its real.
n i thank all of u for it(:
i juz hope that someday,
if that day eva comes.
i'll be able to smile without unhappiness brooding under my skin.
i guess, i m kinda a very happy person
if i wanna be
but somehow i seem lyk i tried too hard to be happy when im outside
that everytime when im alone n blogging,
all my unhappy times comes flowing out.
even happy moments can seem emo when i type it on my blog.
idk y.
n neither do i want it this way.
i gtg aniwaes,
wash up, math hmk n read magazines/books/wateva
as long as it doesnt include sleep,
i'll be fine.
tho thr isnt much time to slp,
by th time im done bathing n stuff, it'll be lyk 4am.
then math hmk will take ard at least 1hr++?
then ard 530liaos
then read til lyk 615?
go prepare
n then go sch.
or i can choose to rest,
that is, if my brain can juz drop dead n shut itself off
which many ppl seem to be able to,
except me.
i feel lyk im a gurl buried within this cold & hard world of cruel reality.
3.01am
Blogged
@ 9/25/2009 02:20:00 AM
n i live in it. -
