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Thursday, August 6, 2009

so apparently im irritating,
i make ppl angry
n i make ppl dun wanna tok to me.

whether u bring ur mask back or not, its none of my beeswax
ofc i hope u'll get a good mark for art
pull ur grades up
get into a good class
a bright future.
it was mock unhappiness.
reasoning.
if u didnt get it u cud hav told me straight in th face.
sure, u didnt go for art for 3weeks
but that was onli 3hrs for us
if u include walking n cleaning up
thats 45mins per lesson.
go ahead,
finish up ur art at home
afterall,
u had permission.
i dun.
i cant complain.
im simply stating th facts.
others also said similiar things
but y m i th onli one who gets u pissed off?
becuz im irritating?
im hatable?
im dislikable?
im repulsive?
im juz a fuckin bitch who doesnt care about anyone else?
is that it?

wats up with th whole shoes thing?
u dun even noe half th things of my home life.
not becuz i dun wanna tell u,
but becuz thr was nvr th right time.
sure,
u hav ur difficulties
but i hav mine too.
ur busy,
but u chose th path.
maybe i wun get wat ur feeling
unless i take ur place
with all th sl stuff
but it was ur choice.
nth wrong with that.
my home life had nth abt me making any decisions.
it juz happened.
without me even noeing.
those things werent in my control.
my life might seem so perfect on th outside
sure,
its an act.

weekends, everyone's busy.
okay,
i get it alr.
forget everything ive said.
eryue, viv, liya: im not going to watch up on sat anymore. if u guys wanna go on ur own, go ahead.
im sorry if ive caused u all trouble,
messed up ur lives
irritating all of u,
making all of u angry,
making all of u hate me.
im juz sorry ive caused chaos in ur lives.
maybe if i didnt exist,
none of this wud hav happened.

im tired of checking ur blog to see if ur pissed with me,
im tired of having this fearful feeling in me,
that i'd pissed u off.
i omost told u one of th deepest, darkest secrets of my life.
maybe its for th best that i dun,
cuz everyone will juz think that im feeling sorry for myself,
im a pathetic freak.
maybe thats all i m,
a pathetic freak.
maybe i dun deserve to be a person,
living on this earth.
if i werent here, i wun be feeling anything at all.
can u juz imagine how great that wud be?
no feelings, no nothing.

i thot u were one of my besties,
one of those kinds whr u dun nid words to feel in th silence.
whr silence is a conversation itself.
but to u,
maybe that silence was an awkward one.
i didnt noe.
that silence was enjoyable to me,
its lyk as if we can be comfortable without tokin,
maybe it was all my imagination.
i was th naive one,
who thot that this kind of things do exist in real life.
perhaps, it nvr did n nvr will.

isit me, or will i be foreva plauged with friendship problems?
if no one eva tell me th problems to my face,
i'll nvr noe wats going on.
i hav to keep on guessing:
isit me?
yes, its me.
no wait, maybe its not.
maybe its her.
in th end,
its me.
n i wun even noe.
its wearing me down,
feeling eva so worried,
eva so confused,
eva so lost,
eva so hurt.

isabel ng shud nvr hav existed.
12.23am

Blogged @ 8/06/2009 11:54:00 PM
n i live in it. -