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Tuesday, August 4, 2009




You Have the Fears of a Child



At your core, you are still very young and vulnerable.

You still haven't found your place in the world, and you're wondering how you will fit in.



You tend to have highly emotional fears. You worry that your whole world will fall apart.

Your life is fairly unstable right now. Your fears feel very vivid and very real.

Do You Have the Fears of a Child or an Adult?

hiie.
idk y but i feel so tired these few days
lyk as if nth interests me
if it wasnt for all th whees n yays
i think i might've alr broken down
it aint all that weird if all ur doing is trying to cheer urself up, isit?
everyone has changed
its lyk as if i dun rilly noe them anymore
maybe its juz me
u noe,
me me me
im at fault
ohh, lyk owaes.
be it anywhr
home,
whreva
its owaes me.
this is so comforting to noe.
as if.
yes, competitiveness is good
it pushes u forward in life
but when thr's too much of it,
it turns u into a green-eyed monster
unless uve been a recipient,
u'd nvr noe th feeling of screwing up ur test
n hav sum1 says this to u:
''omg! can u believe it?! i cud hav gotten full marks!''
or sth to that effect.
that feeling sux lyk fuck
i mean,
harlow?
i screwed it up here?
n everyone else is going
'' ahh! i cud hav gotten so high!''
kik a dog when it's down
wun ya?
puhlease.
not everyone is borned smart
not everyone is borned hardworking
not everyone is borned th way everyone else is borned
ppl might not notice that wat they've juz said r cutting
but plz
dun cont n go all ''ohh''[sympathetic voice]
it juz simply makes things worse.
ohhyea~
its my fault.
i didnt study as hard as i shud hav.
i cant stick to my timetable.
i envy those who can be so fuckin hardworking
i m lazy.
i m not a genius.
ohhyea~
my fault.
i accept that fact.
but can u?
i noe i shud be studying lyk shyt
n not using th com unless its lyk for one hour per week
n all that shyt
but i noe i cant do that
ive tried
believe me,
all i did was almost drove myself crazy
hav i mentioned that wheneva im stressed,
i claw myself?
i tug on every single strand of my hair?
i scratch myself?
i cry lyk fuck?
i kik myself?
i scold myself?
i pinch myself?
i even hate myself for th way i m?
ohh wat th fuck.
no one noes!
my grandma scolds me n say its my fault
that i dun do my hmk n shyt
but not everyone is as capable
for fuck's sake
one tcha givs u this amt of hmk
but if u hav lyk 8-10 subjects
that equals to 8-10 sets of hmk.
others r able to finish them
but im not them,
i cant
my abilities r limited
thr's a limit to wat i can do.
wat i can take.
wat i can control.
but once again
its my fault.
i try n make plans for th weekend,
turn a stupid fucking boring xinmin life fun,
wat do i get?
rejections
''ohh, i dun want''
''dun feel lyk''
''must arhs?''
wat th fuck.
y m i trying so hard?
when no one else bothers?
life aint fair,
that i noe
but appreciate me?
pls?
but do i even nid to put a pls at th end?
maybe i do..
im not pissed with anyone here,
i dun blame anyone either.
exams r near, i noe
u hav ur difficulties, i noe
but wud anyone mind by helping?
im juz suggesting.
if no one lyks th idea,
feel free to speak up!
its a fun day for everyone.
not juz me.
im tired of trying to pull everything together when it breaks
there is an extent to wat i can do.
im tired.

tiredbel @ 9.45pm
r u juz a fwen or sth more? i dislike being in th dark, its my fault. again.

Blogged @ 8/04/2009 09:25:00 PM
n i live in it. -